Deliverance
by dancinInjeans
Summary: In order to understand why I am the way I am, you need to understand my past. Prepare yourself for something dreadful. Life as a vampire isn't pretty, nor full of rainbows and bunnies.
1. Chapter 1

Okay so I decided to make this story because a friend of mine is writing her own where one of the characters that comes into play later on in the plot is my actual character. She is awesome because she is sooo...kick ass! But I wanted to write a story about my vampire because there was a lot of things she went through before being the stubborn, sarcastic and tough chick she is today. I wanted to write from Lottie's PoV, her background and all the tough decisions she had to go through. So this is the first chapter. All the characters are mine, the plot an all the situations are mine and my odd imagination. Everything you read comes from my own little place.

"Welcome to my mind's most distant room!" I say...now on with the story.

In order to know what is going on in my head, why I've decided to act like such a bitch, you need to understand my past. You need to look into what I have gone through in the past 331 years. You need to live it for yourself and decide how to judge me. Otherwise, I'm just that punk-ass beyach that sit's there in there in Nicky's Bar drinking my cares away with bloodymarys.

For centuries vampires and werewolves have walked upon the earth, unbeknownst to anyone. To the humans this never existed, to them werewolves were mystical creatures and vampires...well...we were nightmares. That was how I came to think of myself through the decades that I had live. A nightmare. God knows I have done enough in my life to warrant that title. I have killed, I have tasted human blood, I have watch slaughtering after slaughtering of innocents. I have lived more lives then any one thing should, I have seen more then my fair share of destruction, sometimes, it was by me.

My father was a tradesmen for the Maiden Rose, a large ship that he co-owned with our neighbor Mr. McCormick, back in our old home in Boston. He would constantly go to England, trading, always bringing back surprises for mother and I. One day his ship went out to sea and never returned. Mother was heartbroken, never leaving the house and making sure I was within her sight at all times. I, on the other hand, was too young to understand what was happening. All I knew was my father wouldn't come home to tell me stories of his travels, there would be no more treasures for my dowry chest, there would be no more haughty laughs ringing through the rooms of our tiny home. We waited two years. Two long years that felt as though they were lifetimes. We heard nothing of the ship, nor of the brave men that were aboard. We moved away from the waters of Boston to the fields and hills of Salem, a town roughly 80 miles away. Mother became the town's medicine woman and midwife. I was training to be her apprentice

It was in the spring of 1692 when they came to our home. It was a small, clean thing. There was only my mother and myself. My mother never took up another husband so I had no brothers or sisters. The house was usually filled to the brim with different herbs, flowers drying, different smells of balms slowly solidifying. It used to make my head spin taking in all the different scents that mixed in the air along with the rose water my mother would have sitting over in the corner waiting for someone in need of its healing properties or strong cup of chamomile tea. I was sitting in the den area near the fire, reading my mother's journal on flowers and their healing properties when there was a sudden knock on the door. Before I even go to it, it had opened, men, about 6 of them, rushed into our home, knocking me to our floor. They called out for my mother, Bridgette, to come into sight. She did, as calmly as a Indian hunting for deer in the forest. They charged her with witchcraft and took her away to await trial. They waited 4 months until nearing the end of July they charged her as guilty, that was without a fair trial. I didn't know what all she was accuse of, she had told neighbors to keep me away, told them she didn't want me there seeing what she had to go through and still having the possibility of Witch Hunters accusing me as well. So I stayed away, until the date of her execution. July 29th, 1692, a date I will never forget, a date that would be etched into my mind for all eternity. I watched as Bridgette Ann Winters, healer, midwife, my mother, was burned until dead at the stake.

I guess you are wondering when I was turned. After my mother's death, or murder, as I always thought of it, I went to live with my Great-Aunt and Uncle back in Boston. They were distant family members. I had never knew about them until they came looking for me in Salem. They were too prim and proper for my liking. I was put out into society and was offered glances from other men, men that would surely become suitors. That was something I was not looking forward to, marriage. Such a lovely word, yet so taxing. I didn't want to be married, nor did I want to be in high society. All I wanted was for things to go back to the way they used to be, when things were much simpler and things were a bit more brighter. My last night as a human was December 23rd, 1692. My great-aunt had gone out of her way to obtain an invitation to the largest, most elegant Christmas ball in town. It was to be a night of festivity, celebrating and glad tidings. All of it I wished to be far from. All I want was to become a healer like my mother, live alone and live my life the way I thought was best, not the way others wanted. I was tried of being put on public display, like a slice of meat at the market, for all to see and whisper about. I knew I must have been becoming a burden to have in the house for my great-aunt forced me to dance with every suitor. Then, they announced to the whole hall, I was to be married, without my prior knowledge, to a man almost twice my senior. I was devastated, angry and nearly in tears when I ran from the ballroom. I left that night, heading for the dirty streets wearing only the silk dress I had been forced into and a light shawl. My coat and muffler were still in a coatroom off the entrance of the ballroom.

I remember the streets being deserted, it was, after all, nearing Christmas, and the moon only being half full, it was dark. I walked down to the pier where all the ships were docked, the entire time feeling as though I was being followed. After a while I turned back to see a man hiding in the shadows of a small building and I began to run as fast as my feet could carry me. But I wasn't fast enough to escape him. Parts of my last few moments as human are still to this day a blur. I have read countless psychology books that have all said that humans tend to block traumatic memories, which I have come to the conclusion are true. All I remember was seeing a face, a beautiful and dangerous face with the most terrifying red eyes I had ever seen. Then a pain on my body between my right shoulder and neck, a burning sensation began to sweep through my body and I remember falling to the ground. For what seemed an eternity of fire, I began feeling normal, not human but the pain was ebbing away. For once in my life I was peace. Peace with everything around, feeling connected to everything. I could feel the earth beneath my back, the bitter wind quickly caressing my face, the water at the pier lapping against the soggy boards of the ships that rested there. I thought I was dead, how could something be so peaceful? What I didn't know was that my peaceful happiness would be short lived.

Okay so there was the first chapter. Hope it was to your liking...if not than...oh well! That sucks because I am gonna continue writing. Wanna keep reading? Go ahead! Wanna review and give me comments? Hey that's good too! Wanna tell me how shitty it was? I'll take that too because then at least I know you took the time to actually read it!

I'll try and get the next chapters up soon. I have them done but I want to reread them to make sure there are no grammar mistakes!

Cheers!


	2. Chapter 2

So here are is the next chapter for Lottie. I hope you like it because I am spoiling you. I wasn't going to upload this until later next week because I have so much to do and I haven't started on the fourth chapter yet. I like having a few chapters I can post before posting anything. I also wanted to tell you that if you go to my profile and look at the picture there, that is the picture of Lottie. What she looks like as a vampire before we get to the later years (like 1990 to present) HOPE YOU LIKE!!!!

Years: 1692 to 1733

I don't remember how long I laid there, could have been hours, days, weeks, even centuries. What I do remember upon waking was a terrible thirst that burned in the back of my throat making me slightly dizzy. Then the most amazing smell came to me, I couldn't figure out what would smell so delicious, so enticing, so seductive. What was it that I wanted to taste whatever this smell was? I looked down and saw my ankle in the early morning sun, I was glittering like crystals, like the ones my mother used while helping with child-birth. I was a different creature, no longer was I human.

I had learned over time the smell was of humans, people walking around in the morning light of Boston. I wanted to have that smell, to give in and taste human blood but I just couldn't bring myself to become a murderer. Gone now were the days of eating food and drinks, gone were the days of sleeping, dreaming, gone were the days where my heart would beat and my soul join my parents when my time came. I was dangerous, even then, feeling the need for something to satisfy my thrust.

A cat! There was a cat in the alleyway with me. I could smell him. His blood didn't smell as tempting as the humans but I knew it was better than becoming a murderer. I had eaten meat in my human life, this would be just like it. I used all the new vampiric speed I had to grab hold of the cat and drain him dry. The taste was salty yet sweet, it went down my throat easily, almost smooth, like taking a sip of wine.

When I was finished letting my inner beast take over I disposed of the carcass and left Boston. I knew I couldn't stay there, someone would recognize me and alert my great-aunt and uncle. Oh, thinking about them made my dead heart shatter. All they wanted was for me to be well taken care of, to have someone to love me, to care and help bare children with me. I didn't think of it until know when it was too late to go back. My aunt and uncle were doing what they thought was best for me. Perhaps if I had talked to them, made them see reason as to why I should be able to fall in love, not be pressured into dancing with all the possible gentlemen, they wouldn't have been so forceful in their quest to find me a husband and I would still be human, at their home enjoying the holidays.

But that is over now and done with. I know it doesn't do well to dwell on what might have happened, it's the past and there is no going back. Only forward. But where to go from here was the problem at hand. I had never been out on my own and now that I was this┘creature I didn't know where was safe to go. I went to the only place I was told never to venture into, the woods. I figured since I was what I was then I couldn't be in danger like I was before. From there I lived, feeding and running. Sometimes humans would come near the hut I had made for myself but I was always able to scare them off before the monster in me could rare its ugly head.

My life became dangerous in the winter of 1733. It was the first time I had gone back into the town of Boston for some decades. I had never thought about the effects the smell of human blood would have on me since I hadn't been around humans and very few came as far as my home in the woods. It was very cloudy out, I had already experienced the giddy and frightening occurrence of me going out into the sun. I remembered it. Walking through the woods to fine a pack of deer to feed on, walking out into a clearing and the sun coming out at the same time, skin shimmering in the golden light. I couldn't believe I had never seen it before. I knew that if the humans were to see me like this, chaos would occur. But with this new found characteristic I began going out for runs every time the sun would shine. Dancing with the rays and watching as my skin seemed to glitter and illuminate the trees and pine needles with little lights of rainbow colors. To me it was the most heavenly thing, something acute to freedom in which I would be able to enjoy for all eternity.

Going into town was a different story.

I had practiced holding my breath near animals so I wouldn't smell the delicious blood that coursed through their vines, I figured I could do the same with humans. I walked into town, trying to ignore all the stares, and walked up to a dry good shop to buy some cloth with which I would try my hand at making myself a new dress. What I had already was becoming threadbare. I was doing good so far. I was keeping a fair distance and not breathing which was becoming steadily uncomfortable. I had found material that I could use, thread, and a sturdy needle. I went over to the clerk to pay for my items. That when a women with two children came in. The youngest, no more then eight, came running into the store eager to get to the sweets, bumped into me hard. No damage done to me but the boy fell backwards onto the floor scraping his elbow. It started to bleed.

Now, understand that I had been trying with all my might to keep from breathing, to keep from looking at the life giving blood running down his arm, to keep from attacking. It didn't work. The young boy started to scream and cry which hurt my ears pretty badly. I opened my mouth to gasp and that's when the smell, the taste, hit me hard. I began shaking, I could feel the monster inside of my leaping for joy at being released. I ran for the boy but the clerk was able to get him down on the ground again, I had missed. I never have missed. I growled and hissed at the clerk, who had started throwing nails and sharp items at me. I ran, I ran away from what I had done, for what I could have done and for what I had become. This creature, this monsters┘this curse.

That night reminded me of the night my mother was taken for witchcraft. It seemed like an eternity ago that happened. That night I became an orphan, this night, I became something that not even I could put words to.

The clerk seemed to have gathered all the men of the town, and as clichИ as this sounds, they came baring pitchforks, guns, and most of all, fire. The fire was what frightened me the most, my mother had died by it, now I was too.

"Come out witch!" the clerk cried. There was nowhere for me to go, they had surrounded my small hut so there was no way out. "Come out!"

The men that had come all started to chant "witch, witch, witch." That made my blood boil. I was mad, madder then I had ever been. I was no witch, I had no supernatural powers, I had not given my soul to the devil. I didn't know what I was but I was certain that I had no choice in the matter. I went to the front door, ready to meet them head on, ready to tear each and everyone of them to survive.

"You want a witch, by God, I will give you a witch!" I yelled out to the crowd. I had no idea what had made me say that. Where did that come from? All I know was that I suddenly didn't feel like Lottie anymore, I felt more powerful, goddess like. The men started walking towards me, guns and pitchforks held high. That's the first time it happened. Fire came up from underneath the ground surrounding my home, keeping me separated from the villagers. The men started shooting their guns towards me hoping to hit me, which one did. It hurt for a second, barely, and then the pain disappeared, vanished like I hadn't been struck. After my initial surprise I felt anger flare up more within my body.

The flames surrounding my home grew larger and then suddenly, I was focusing all my attention on the clerk from the dry goods store. What amazed me most was that I could still see him through all the fire and smoke. He wore a sneer that slowly turned to fear. He started shouting that he was hot, burning up. Suddenly his entire body burst into flames from the inside out. I couldn't believe my eyes. This phenomenon, I later found out in more modern years, was call human combustion. After seeing this the rest of the villagers fled back to town, to the safety of their brick homes. But I stood at the door to my home thinking about what had just occurred. This man died because I made him burst into flames. I looked down at my hands thinking: My God, what am I?

So...how did you all like it? Good? Bad? Should I continue? Should I burn it to the ground with the help of Rae's powers??? Tell me what you think by pressing the little blue botton. Trust me, it will not bite! lol;)


	3. Chapter 3

Okay so here's chapter three...sorry I haven't undated in what seems like forever. With my college courses and doing all the paper work for my transfer and trying to get a job...I've been hopping like a rabbit. Oh and I didnt tell you...I got into the Academy of Arts University in San Francisco CA!!!!! I'm going there for Fall 08!

I also wanted to say thanks to Amanda (my beta) because she's finally getting on my back about this story and because Raven has shown up in her's now and boooooooy! RAVEN KICKS MAJOR ASS!

okay...on with the story! 3

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Chapter Two 1782

I have heard people say that somewhere out there in the world is your soul mate. The one person that you could truly spend you life with. I was blessed because I had not only one, but two soul mates during my life. Both ended tragically. Both, by my own hands.

It was summer time. Summer use to be my least favorite season because of the heat, I never did like it. Now, however, I looked forward every year to summer. To be able to feel the sun hit my skin and warm me, not like when I was human, but close enough that I felt somewhat me again. Summer also brought all the animals out which meant feeding was easier than in the winter. Summer was also when I met him, Jonathan Hanes. He was everything I had ever wanted.

We had met by chance in the woods of New Jersey that summer. He was a farm boy, slim but his arms had strength. I saw him bathing in a brook not too far into the woods. I remember what he was doing prior to his swim. I had been watching him all morning, since he first entered the woods. I had caught his sent after feeding, such a scent that I was enticed by. Like grass and fresh pine. He reminded me of autumn, warm and golden. And that's how he appeared.

I hadn't any contact with humans for decades and I had never seen a man without a stitch on. But there he was, bathing in the cool clear water, naked and glorious. His light hay colored hair heavily wet against his brow and his body slightly tanned from the sun, simmered under the water's surface. How I wished to be there with him, in the brook. How I envied the fish there were swimming at the bottom of the water, how they would be able to see every glorious inch of him. I had stayed in under the safety of the shade. It was sunny and even though the sun was nearing the end of the earth, I didn't leave the protection of the trees. I did not wish to frighten away what I had just discovered. Yet I was prepared at a moments notice to run with all my might, anything to keep the monster in me from rearing its ugly head. What I had not been prepare for, was his eyes opening to focus on me. Those eyes, which, even at a distance, I could tell were a sharp sliver gray. The kind of gray you see right after a thunderstorm in the afternoon. They were beautiful.

He quickly moved to the side of the brook where he had left his clothing and grabbed them, running behind the nearest pine tree to dress. I watched as this all happened. I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me to leave, run away before the beautiful boy came back. All I did was just stand there until he came back out dressed in simply black trousers and a cotton white shirt, sleeves rolled up exposing his tanned forearm.

"It is unkind to watch people as they bathe." He said.

All I did was stare at him. His voice was smooth, like cream. I was afraid to say something in fear that I might scare him off. He just stood there looking at me, his eyes going up and down my body. I blushed, something that I hadn't done in so long it felt almost foreign to me. Yet I felt confident when he looked at me.

"I didn't mean to stare," I said, "I happened to be gathering flowers and heard splashing. It had never came to mind that someone might have been bathing in the brook. Forgive me for the intrusion." Mind you, I said all this rather quickly.

"No intrusion at all. It's not every day a women like yourself comes to watch me." He said, with a small smile. His eyes seemed to crinkle up in the corners making them seem so playful and innocent.

"Forgive me, I haven't properly introduce myself. I'm Jonathan Hanes." Jonathan, such a name! It suited him well for it was a strong and yet gentle name.

"I'm Lottie. Lottie Winters." I managed to say. This seemed to delight him for his smile only got bigger. What a beautiful simile it was indeed. It was like sunshine on the ocean for it shined so brightly. It touched every part of his handsome face and I strongly desired to see it again.

"Lottie. What a lovely name for a lovely girl." If I could have, I would have blushed. I wish I would blush, just once. To feel the heat on my cheeks and to know it was caused by a flirtatious remark by someone that was roughly my age, not twice my senior.

"Thank you."

"Welcome."

I don't know how long we stood there looking at each other. Could have been an eternity for all I cared, all I know is that it all ended too soon for my liking. The sun had gone in behind the clouds so I figured it was safe enough to walk towards him. I did so very cautiously so not to scare him.

"Do you live here?" He asked me.

"Close by, I live here in the woods. Not too far from here."

"I live in town. My father is a blacksmith. I'm training to be his apprentice." said Jonathan with a small smile.

"I'm sure you are good at what you do." I said, giving a double meaning I had not meant to say. If I could have blushed I would have, either at my foolishness...or my boldness.

From then on Jonathan and I began meeting almost everyday near the brook. It soon became "our" place. We learned more about each other interests, each other's life style. The only thing about our talks was that while his was true, most of mine danced around the truth. For that I wish I could tell him everything, but he was the first good thing I have had in so long and I didn't want to chase him away. I wanted to keep him with me, protect him and make sure that he was always loved. There were also times I wanted him, more than anything I ever thought possible. He seemed to want me as much too but I couldn't let us get that far. I had seem my strength, I knew that I was capable of tossing fifty foot trees through the air with as much ease as tossing a skipping stone. I could hurt him. Somewhere deep down inside I could feel the monster in me wanting to taste him, not just body, but blood.

One night, amid all the passion he said four words that change my being, my very soul.

"I love you Lottie," He said. It was more than I deserved. I couldn't believe that this godlike human could love me. In that one moment I felt completely human and I wanted him more than ever.

But as much as I wanted him I kept stopping us. I wouldn't hurt him, I couldn't bare it if I did.

I had thought, on more than one occasion, that I should change him. Everything would be easier. We would be together for the rest of the earth's days. We could hold each other and be with each other without me having to hold back. I thought long and hard about it. It truly wasn't my decision to make but I was terrified to tell Jonathan what I really was for fear that he would dismiss me, never wanting to see me again. I felt in my heart that he would accept me but mine mind betrayed my conscious and I couldn't keep straight what I wanted. Tell him and let him decide? Leave forever and protect him from the monster within me? Or just go for it, change him?

I was battling myself.

Unfortunately, that battle wouldn't be waging for much longer, because the beast inside me would make a decision for me. One that I could not take back.

Jonathan and I met by our brook like always. It was near sundown and the summer nights were gone already replaced by fall. I was having trouble with feeding for most of the animals were going either south or just into hiding, sensing the first frost. I was hungry. I knew I needed to feed but I didn't want to be away from my love. I figured I would be okay for one more night. I wish every day of my existence that I could re-do that terrible night.

Even now it seems like a blur. I remember laying down on the grass with my whole body facing Jonathan. I had my back to the small flame that I had set up earlier, before he had arrived of course, owing to the luxury of my little talent. I could slightly feel the heat hit my frozen back.

He kissed me, lightly and so tenderly. That's how it all started, with one little kiss. After a few chaste kisses he urged more. We began kissing with more passion and fire that I had ever experienced. Kissing and touching every part of each other that we could. He took his shirt off and I knew, if I was human, I would have been red as a summer apple. I had never been so close to a man with his shirt off. Never seen such beauty so close. He wasn't overly muscular, he still had some of his boyish figure, but his arms were more toned.

I kissed his neck and collarbone taking in the salty taste of his skin. That was a mistake.

I could feel it, inside, somewhere deep in my stomach the monster was roaring. In the back of my throat I could feel the intense burn I felt every time I went hunting. I was hungry, I needed blood and I needed it immediately. Suddenly I didn't feel in control over my movements. I felt liberated, free from the bonds that I had set upon myself.

I remember looking into his eyes, glazed over with desire, and telling him to close them. He did so without any questions. I put my left cheek against the hallow of his neck. Underneath my hard skin I could feel the hard poundings of his heart, I could feel the quick rushing of his blood. Blood that sustains me. I breathed in his glorious sent and kissed his neck, leaving my lips there to linger.

"I love you," I said, "for all eternity."

Before he could get the words to for "I love you" I had bitten down breaking the skin and tasting the sweet blood that ran through his veins. He shifted uncomfortable underneath me but I kept him still. I remember seeing Jonathan's eyes open in shock and him trying to push me off of him. He started whimpering like a hurt pup and I wanted to stop, but the monster in me was so much stronger and I couldn't break free of its grasp. I wanted to stop┘and finally I did. But it was too late. When I looked back down at him, his eyes were dull and lifeless. His skin was pale except for the little bit of blood still flowing from the punctures I made in his skin with my sharp teeth. I was shocked and appalled at what I had done. I had killed him. I had killed the one man I truly loved. The one I wanted to be with for eternity! He was gone!

No more would I see his shining smile. No more would his eyes rest on my body. No longer would I be able to run my cold hands through his corn colored hair. No more would he laugh and talk, whisper to me, tell me he loved me. I had taken that away, all because of the monster that I was burdened to carry forever. The monster that I could never get rid of.

I couldn't think...all I did was run from the brook. I ran and ran until I was back at my lonely cabin deep in the darkness of the woods where no one would hear me scream my heart out for my love. His blood was on my hands, both literally and figuratively. I would always been haunted. I would have to live with what I did for the rest of my days. I would bare this burden for eternity. For there was no way that I would forget. I made a promise to myself that I would never be tempted to drink human blood again.

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Okay so wow...killing the one person you love...thats gotta really suck! Poor, poor Lottie. You might be wondering about the name thing going on here. Raven's name, before being turned, was Lottie. She doesnt change it until chapters 4 or 5, I haven't decided yet.

Well let me know what you think because I am dying to know!


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